If they are keeping me from it, they're most likely unhelpful.
If I'd like to change my consequences, and I can't change the Activating Event, maybe I could change my beliefs.
How? By disputing them, vigorously.
D=Disputing unhelpful beliefs:
Where is it written that life must be fair?
It would be nice if things worked out all "fair and square" but there's no guarantee that that will happen. Besides, what exactly is "fair" - do I need to go back over a lifetime of ups and downs to determine what I deserve in this situation - and how would I react if I came up in the negative?
Where's the evidence that this means I'm not loved, or lovable?
There's a very good reason for the disappointing news, and I'd probably have made the same choice. People show their love in many different ways, and just because I want it one form and aren't getting it, doesn't mean it doesn't exist. There are people who would like me to show them love and affection in a particular way, but my way is different - but no less full of love. That could very well be the case here.
Is it really AWFUL?
As AWFUL as say... the death of a loved one? Or as AWFUL as bad news at a doctor's office? As AWFUL as an earthquake that wipes out over 300,000 people? Or as AWFUL as a terrorist attack that kills 3,000 people in one day? Realistically speaking, no. It helps to put this into perspective.
Yes, people make time for things they love - to a point.
How many people/places/activities do I wish I could visit, spend time with, but am prevented from doing so from forces beyond my control? Doers it automatically follow that I don't love that person, place, or activity? Not really, it means many different things, depending on the situation, and rarely is it pointing to a lack of love.
Really? Chuck the whole thing?
Stop and think about each piece of the decision - don't make a rash, drastic one, especially while still in a heightened mood. Sleep on it, talk it over with the hubs.
Maybe I'm just taking this all a bit too seriously. There was never a promise, no solid plan. And the news of the change of plan came early enough to avert any financial investment or even too much emotional investment.
E=Effective New Beliefs
It's okay - not the end of the world.
I'll do other things with the money I'd been setting aside for that particular event.
It's better to know now than at the last minute.
Dissolved plans simply allow opportunities for new plans to form.
Changed plans don't have any bearing on how people feel about each other - I'm not going to allow distorted thinking to push me into destructive behavior. Instead, I'm going to push on with my plans for the year, and know that everything is just as it should be, because everything is exactly as it is.
Respect works both ways - if it wasn't the right thing for one party, then it's not right, period.
We can work to make it happen at a different time.
I don't have to choose to be devastated.
There may even be upsides to the new situation.
REMEMBER TO DO YOUR HOMEWORK!
Maintain open lines of communication.
Challenge the unhelpful beliefs whenever they come up.
Be careful not to fall into the trap of complacently accepting the same stories you've told yourself for so long.